Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I typed this the other day and there is an update

I’m sitting at my Granny and Papaw’s house waiting for Berkley to wake up so that we can go ahead and head home. I stopped by to drop off one of my lamps for her beautiful new living room. They just had new carpet, new flooring in the kitchen done and also bought a new couch and chair! This is the nicest stuff my granny has ever had and I’m so happy for her. This is the house that I grew up in and will always love! We lived here with them until I was 7 years old and then moved out. I have so many fond memories of Granny and Papaw’s house with them, mom and dad. To think that we all fit in this house is an amazing feat in itself! Now that I am older, the house seems so small. The backyard that was once so big is so tiny! Isn’t it amazing how the world around us gets smaller and smaller as we become adults?!

I have been reflecting a lot lately. Probably because I have lost a few of my best friends; or people that I thought were my best friends. I think to myself; what did I do? What is wrong with me? Why do I keep losing the people that are close to me? I think it is because I let those that I care about deeply into my life and let them know more than they really should. You think you can trust your b/f/f with your deepest darkest secrets. You think that you can trust your b/f/f with your problems, griping and complaining and the happy moments in life too. I guess this isn’t true. One b/f/f of 15 years stopped being my friend because I am friends with someone she doesn’t like; someone she has never met and knows nothing about…only what I have told her and because she didn’t agree with the situation and the events that happened when I was 19 years old, she has not accepted it for what it is and gotten over it but instead, has judged me and my friend because of it. RIDICULOUS! So yes, I did tell my friend some things about my friend of 15 years. When my friend of 15 years verbally attacked my friend, of course she retaliated and used some of those things against her. I don’t blame her one bit for doing it…she was attacked after all.

My other so-called b/f/f has listened to me complain about Greg and hasn’t always agreed with how he says things to me or how he handles situations between the two of us. Of course, I told her everything about everything and it only came back to bite me in the butt. On an outing to Nashville, Greg had upset me with some comments and on the way home, he made a comment about women and it was only a joke. She proceeded to “go off” on my husband and screamed at him that she didn’t like the way he treats me, etc., etc… I told her to be quiet and that she wasn’t making anything better. We proceeded to an exit to use the restroom, she calls her mother to drive all the way from Bowling Green to Nashville at 1:00 a.m. and got out of the truck and would not return. HELLO? Am I in high school? She said she was not giving control to him and was not going to let him drive her home. She said that we could be friends but not to involve her in anything that had to do with Greg. Is there something about this that wasn’t understood? He is my HUSBAND. Partner in life. MARRIED! That’s different than a relationship. She text messaged me on the way home (I cried the whole way) and said that her mom got her and she was home safe. That’s all she wrote. Hasn’t spoken to me since and it’s not that I haven’t tried. I guess I just wonder; what did I do to these people? I think my answer is that I really did nothing. I have GIVEN and GIVEN myself to these two individuals. The friend for 15 years I walked on egg shells all the time, not to say anything that might upset her. I have found her attorneys for the several times she has been in jail. I have offered her support through the pregnancy and birth of her two fatherless children and how am I treated? I am treated as if this is my entire fault. I stabbed her in the back by telling my friend things about her. GROW UP ALREADY! You are a mother of two children. She actually said to me, “I do this all by myself. Could you say the same?” My response was that “I don’t have to do it by myself and I don’t have to provide for my kids by myself and I’m sorry that she made the choices she did but it wasn’t my fault.” I think its partial jealousy. She’s always throwing in my face that she’s a single mom and she does it all by herself. Just because you are a single mom, does that make you a good one??? A good friend? I once thought so. I tried to apologize to her and it was not accepted. I told her that I was sorry she felt that way. I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS…AND I’M TIRED OF IMMATURE “SINGLE MOTHER’S (no offense to anyone) bringing me down because I have help and support from my husband. As for my other friend that went off on Greg…she said in time we could be friends again. Ya know what? Time’s up!

I’m sure that time will mend everything if it is meant to be. I can assure you that things for me will never be the same with the “friends” I have spoken of. I’m just not sure what to do. I think I need my own TV show like Paris Hilton; “My New B/F/F”!!! That’s a great idea. OR, I could just become a recluse. Friendships were once something that defined me and something that I held very close and cherished. Now, I’m not so sure what friends are for. What makes a good friend? What makes a person a good person? What are the limitations to what you tell your supposed B/F/F? I’m not certain of anything about anything when it comes to friendships and I’m not so sure that I will ever trust anyone; as I did these two individuals.


I tried to apologize to the friend of 15 years. She said that I stabbed her in the back, betrayed her and could not accept my apology. I told her that I was sorry that's the way she felt and I hope that things went well for her. At least I was the bigger person. I didn't shed a tear, believe me.

I also received a text message from my other friend that went off on Greg. She said that maybe in time we could be friends but I hurt her so much with what I said, BLAH BLAH BLAH and she was so sorry that my life isn't great and that she loves me but can't talk to me because she loves me (insert more BLAH BLAH BLAH). I let her know that obviously she had no idea what was going on in my life and that actually things had come to a turning point and that I realized the only person I could trust was my HUSBAND. She also said she understood why her mom just didn't bother with having friends. I sent her a text back and informed her that no matter how she felt, I feel that it is completely ABNORMAL to not want to have friends. She replied with, "Have a nice evening. I'm going to a meeting." She thinks she's the only victim of EVERY situation. When I say victim, I mean that in every sense of the word. I told her that I was sorry that she'd had the horrid past she's had with men (horrid domestic violence both mental and physical) but not all people were out to get her and that there are actually people out there that cares for and they are genuine about it. Once I mentioned to her that she hurt my feelings too and that had never been discussed, there was no more discussing. My feelings in both relationships with these girls were never a priority apparently. GOODBYE, GOOD RIDDANCE!!! I'm done with immature high school girls who think they should be given a cookie because they are single mothers and bad friends!!! I commend single moms who do it alone; however, I do not think that anything should be held against me because I do have a husband and I do depend on him. I am proud of him, what he has made for us, his accomplishments and for each and everything he does for me and supports me in.

There is my rant! Sorry it was soooo long and frustrating! It sure felt great to get that off my chest. Ahhh, the art of blogging. I may not be a perfect artist but it definitely relieves stress and gets it out of my head.

I didn't proof this....and I usually don't proofread. It is what it is.

Much love to the real people out there that are friends.

1 comment:

Jenni said...

I'm still here for you Crys. I know I haven't been able to make it over to BG to see you, but I will eventually..

As for the single mom's that are "jealous".... those particular girls have to learn to look at things from different angles. There are positive and negatives in every situation. I know married women who might as well be single mothers with the lack of support they receive from their husband's. The grass isn't as green on the other side as some people perceive it. Or... as my father likes to say "The grass may be greener but it's probably full of bullshit." lol. Then, there's the other way of thinking... who on EARTH, as a single mother, would want to be jealous of a friend who has kids and is married? The single mother should know that they'd never wish the struggles on anyone. But... I guess maturity plays a huge factor in those mentalities.

Either way... I'm greatful for the listening ear you provided me when things were tough as heck. And I'm greatful for the friendship I have in you now. I'm so glad we got back in touch. :) Hugs and love girl.