Missing in Action

Written Yesterday:

I realized today that I hadn't been on here for a bit. I went to google reader and I had over 250 blog posts to read. ARGH! I've been very crabby at night for some reason and haven't even been on here. Berkley has been so fussy for the last week. I'm not sure what's up with that. I started therapy (not physical - ha!) and I absolutely love my therapist! He is so awesome. We have set several goals and I see him once a week for now. I don't really have any pressing issues, just bouts of depression and such. He really helps me look at things differently. It is really nice!!! I asked him how we could talk about nothing and I could feel so much better. He said that we were talking about things, just slowly.

Today...right now:

I'm sitting here listening to my 20 month old daughter throw the worst tantrum. She's screaming because daddy went outside without her. She's hyperventilating. I don't know what to do with her. I'm going to let her scream it out. As much as I can't stand hearing it, I also just can't give into her. I am sooooo sick of the screaming. Even distracting and offering candy doesn't work. I'm about to lose my cool. I will blog later. Hopefully this will wear her down and she'll sleep.

Head strong child...

As I type this, Berkley is screaming and sobbing and wailing to the top of her lungs. All because she doesn't want to go to sleep and wants to go outside. I take her, she flails her arms, legs and is horrible. I'm sitting here trying to pretend like I'm not paying her any attention. I hope to god it stops soon. She has been screaming so long she is hoarse. Has to be an hour now. Great, now she's coughing and gagging. I can feel puke coming.

Not only her behavior meltdown she's having right now, she also has a horrible skin rash. I thought it was eczema but I'm not so sure. Now she's starting to dig at it and she screams when I put her in water. I've tried special lotions and nothing has worked. Even petroleum jelly hasn't work....so it's off to the doctor tomorrow for her.

.

Migraine

Brock coughed most of the night. To the point of gagging and almost losing his supper. I patted his back most of the night. He would roll over and say "mommy, pat me." He was so, terribly pitiful. About 2:00 a.m. I woke up to the most horrible migraine I have had in a long time. Then came the involuntary upchuck. It has been forever since I've been like this or have had one to this extreme. I almost went to the ER it was so bad. I took something and went back to sleep. Woke up at 5:45 with the same headache...still in horrible pain. I inevitably had to call into work and was at the doctor at 9:00 a.m. for meds. It was absolutely horrible but has gotten a bit better. Still a twinge in the forehead but nothing like it was. I felt like I was having a baby...in my head.

TIRED

I'm absolutely, 110%, EXHAUSTED. I must sleep tonight...no matter what.

The end.

Tonsils and Adenoids SUCK

I don't wish a tonsilectomy and adenoidectomy on anyone. Brock will have a few hours where he seems to be doing fine and then he falls apart on us. The surgery went well. He is having major ear pain as well as throat pain. He wants to eat so badly too. Of course, all of the things he isn't supposed to have such as pizza, cookies and crackers. One day at a time. If this night doesn't end soon, I'll lose my mind for sure. I only got 2 hours of sleep last night because he was up and down all night.

I'm pooped. Must pass out now!!!

Pictures. What?

I keep saying I've been horrible with posts...and it's true. I usually post colorful things with pictures. I'm having horrible trouble with carpal tunnel in both hands so typing for prolonged periods of time has become quite painful. Not only that but Berkley always wants to sit with me as I type. She is well into the terrible 2's and she's only 16 months old!

Here are some of my favorite pictures I recently snapped! As I speak, Berkley is kissing me over and over on the lips and is trying to make it "pop". I take what I said back...maybe it's not the terrible two's Maybe it is just the red hair!

I'm thrilled about my pigtails, can't you tell?!

Berkley's new winter hat!

Look at all of my beautiful teeth!

16 and counting...

He is so sweet!

Christmas morning all sleepy-eyed!!!

L & N Train Depot--The reading of The Polar Express

Mommy and Brock at the train depot waiting to board, hear the story and see Santa Claus!

Berkley on Christmas in bubby's safety goggles!

My blog format is messing up! Argh! Till next time!

The Holiday's

From a previous blog that was not posted...

So, it has been a while since I've been able to return to blogging land! My computer CRASHED and had to have a brand new hard drive put in it. Anyhow, I'm back in business! I am so looking forward to Christmas. What has been such a busy and stressful season has really turned out to be a blessing. Several things have changed in my life and I must say it is all for the better. It was tough getting here but I made it!Berkley is the sweetest child alive! She has now started grabbing me and hugging me and kissing me! It is the most perfect thing! She especially does this when she is in trouble. Greg wanted me to throw in here how great it is to be married to him! My husband, the comedian!Brock is progressing well in school!!! He loves it there and it saddens me that he can't stay another year. We are looking at Plumtree Montessori School as one more year of pre-school. As of right now, he isn't ready for full-time school. He's exhausted after 3 days for 3 hours. Montessori school is pricey but we could then enroll him the year after in public school for kindergarten. I'm really not sure what to do. To be continued...


I am so behind on blogging. I don't think anyone has noticed though!



Everything went well over Christmas and New Years. I have been sick for a month and I think I'm finally seeing the end of it! Sinus infection, chest congestion and more snot than I thought a person could produce. Brock has another round of strep. Another shot for him last Friday. He seems to be better now and went back to school today! We have an appointment with the ear, nose and throat doctor on the 20th. His ped said he needs his tonsils out. To be continued...

Berkley is hilarious! I wish I could catch her on video. She is talking up a storm and can now identify her nose "no", ear "e", eye "I" and mouth which she usually sticks out her tongue! And yes, that's how she says them. She is also saying "Papaw, Pappy, Puppy, Bubby, mommy, daddy, dog, hot, baby, bye, hi and hey." Those are the ones I can think of right now.

Brock is doing so well in school. He gets so excited when it is another school day! They are starting to work on math and numbers this semester of school. It should be interesting. It will also include concepts like temperature and telling time. He will record all of this in a book he will keep to show his progress. I should be receiving an email from his teacher giving me her opinion on putting him in kindergarten vs. another year of pre-school. We'll see the outcome. She did send me one telling me that he is making progress but they are still working on empathy and learning and understanding how others feel. She said this will come with time and experiences that will happen.

GUESS WHAT?? Brock is POTTY TRAINING! He has done very well. We are doing big boy underwear in the daytime and pull-ups at night from the advice of our pediatrician. It's like last week...it clicked in his head. No pee pee accidents in the big boy underwear. It's going to be number 2 that will be hard for him. He apparently held it for a few days and went in his undies and when he did, it really hurt coming out. I know...TMI. He hates to sit on the potty so I'm not sure how that will go. We are at least getting there. He also does a pee pee dance when he needs to go so I have a sign that prompts me to ask him if he needs to go. Sometimes he goes without even telling me and no prompting!

Greg is doing construction on the house...and it is going quite well. Will be complete very soon. I have pictures of the stages. What a difference it will make to our kitchen and our family.

I am going to do a post of pictures for you all soon.

Oh, and more to come on New Years Resolutions!!! My goal is to lose 20 pounds. More to come...

Much love,
Crystal

Agenda for next blog:

• post pics from holidays and of the kids
• school for Brock
• New Years resolutions
• Papaw's surgery on 1/22/09
• write more about the kiddos Christmas and how much they were spoiled and what they received.
• updated pictures of house construction

Winter Blues, Sickness and Tired!

Yes, long time no blog! I know you all are just dying to read my mess. Brock had a sinus infection, Berkley a double ear infection (2 meds for 10 days) and I have also had a sinus infection along with other issues (2 rounds of shots for me.) I can't even begin to think about just how much work I have missed but they have been gracious nonetheless and I am thankful to still work there. I worked yesterday and made it through. Made it through only 2 hours (of my 4 total) today and had to come home...stomach issues. I will live. I believe I'm finally on the downhill swing.

Other than the sickness, things are well. I have the winter blues I must admit. The cold air makes my bones ache and my joints ache especially. Old age? Probably! I am totally NOT ready for Christmas. I haven't bought one Christmas present yet and I haven't put out one decoration yet. I'm totally focusing on the kids this year and I don't even think I'm sending out Christmas cards. So sorry people who are far away...I doubt there will be cards coming in the mail. It's time to pinch pennies and the kids are the most important!!!

As for what the kids are getting? I have NO IDEA!!! I think my mom bought everything already. Just kidding. I think I'll leave it up to Santa this time! That reminds me...Brock and I have to write a Dear Santa letter. He wants to actually put it in the mailbox to go to the North Pole so that's what we'll do!

We have a big Christmas party on Saturday in Louisville at The Galt House. I don't want to go but I'm going. With everything going on lately, I just want to stay at home!!! BUT, I'm going. I have to get a cocktail dress...hmmm...and my hair colored too. Brock also wants a haircut (gasp). He said "mom. I want to go to Jackie's hair cut store and get my hair washed and cut. My hair is stinky." It's not really stinky...I promise!

Greg and I are doing very well. I'm not going to brag. He is truly the best. No matter what I say, I can get through anything as long as he is by my side. Aaah! I love him.

Blah...winter time blues...

I really strongly dislike this time of year. For some reason (maybe seasonal depression) when the season changes from Summer to Winter, since there really is no fall, I get really depressed. On top of that, we have all been sick and I just feel horrible, as does Brock. He has a sinus infection and fluid on his ears. I woke up at 1:30 this morning with a migraine from you know where. I took some pain meds for it and prayed it would work. I got up again at 5:30 and it was gone so I started getting ready for work. As I got ready, the twinge in my head came back and I fought it until about 10:30. Just rotten. Every time I walk outside, my nose runs like a faucet and runs down the back of my throat. I'm sick of being sick and I'm sick of the kids being sick. Brock carries all of this junk home from nasty little children at school. I know it is a part of going to school and he will become more immune with time but that doesn't mean that I have to like it. Believe me, I DON'T! My body just hurts. I'm in a bad mood. The kids are bouncing off the walls. I think I need a break.

The End!

**On a positive note, Berkley got her 12th tooth. She has 4 on the top front, four on the bottom front and all 4 1 year molars.**

Life as we know it...

Do you think at times we take our lives for granted? I know that I have and I'm trying to become a better person in many areas...I'm sure Greg would beg to differ. I have been awake since 3:30 a.m. I fell asleep sitting upright in the chair (crick in my neck) and got up about 12:30. Went back to sleep (in the chair) and woke up to Greg yelling at me. Brock was asleep of course but fell asleep on the couch. He was clothed and had a blanket and was fine AND our couch is comfortable. Greg is standing over me..."wake up...I can't believe you fell asleep and didn't put him in bed and he's sick." Okay...Brock coughed a total of 5 times yesterday and had a tiny bit of a runny nose. Nothing serious. Did I deserve the smart mouth at 3:30 in the morning?? NO! And I'm tired of it. My only retort was that I didn't mean to...then he had more comments and I went to the bathroom. I'm so tired of everything. SICK of it and yet I love my husband. He begs to differ but if I didn't love him, would I still be here? NO!

Anyway, I'm going to try and think about something else for the moment. I have run myself ragged all weekend and I haven't hardly slept at all. Who wants to sleep with a million things running through their mind? Who can sleep? Not I! Even with medication sleep aid, I sleep for a bit and then I'm awake. I'll crash this morning at work around 10 to 11. By the time I get off at 12:48 (yes weird time), I'll be ready to fall over. Oh well...I'll live. I find myself saying that a lot.

I did get to see my B/F/F Angela yesterday. I stopped by her bf's apartment to give her a little present I've had for a bit. She is a writer and can honestly write some of the most wonderful poetry I have EVER read. I have always been a big fan/supporter of her writing *her soon-to-be ex husband did not support this creative outlet* so I had a journal made for her. It had a soft cover with stained recycled paper in it. It's very soft and had a medallion on the front that said "LOVE". I was hoping to inspire her writing again in a positive way.

Well...I'm cutting it short. I'm tired of rambling.

Later.

Life just stinks sometimes...

Not sure how my house or life will be in 6 months. I'm speaking of our "living arrangements." I am not to air my dirty laundry on here but I can tell you that things between me and my husband are not well. I am coping and taking it day by day and focusing on MY children!

On another note:

The kids are doing great! Berkley just cut her 11th tooth! She has 4 on the top front, 4 on the bottom front, a molar on the top right, a molar on the bottom right and the newest molar on the top left! That explains the crabbiness!!! Brock's vocabulary and sentence structure has blossomed the last 2 weeks! He speaks as an adult now with some sentences and words he's using and they are all in the right context!

Well, I just wanted to note her new milestone and speak a little of Brock. Not much to write about because in all actuality...I can't! I was told by Greg that (someone in Greg's fam said) I was not to air the dirty laundry of my family on here...so I'll leave it at that. Contact me should you want to know more details! :-) For the sake of everyone, I'll spare you the rant anyhow!

Much love to you all!

...Fun times...

Monday through today, we had monitors at work from our biggest funding source in the office doing an "audit." We do everything by this corporations standards so they come to check on our work and make suggestions based on our visit. So far, we received RAVE reviews and everything went really well. They were very kind to us and we enjoyed having them...even though it was a bit stressful. Today at 4:30 is the celebration! Several of us are gathering at a local restaurant for drinks and to wind down. I am actually going! They go every Thursday and I don't normally get to go but mom said she would watch the kids so I could go for a couple of hours. Of course I invited Greg to go along and really wanted him to but he didn't seem so jazzed about it and has "other responsibilities" to take care of; even though as we speak, he is asleep on the couch. Sounds more important than spending fun time with his wife, huh? ANYHOW...I have tried to get him to meet my co-workers several times to no avail. Sometimes I just think that if it isn't what he wants to do or if it isn't something he's interested in, he doesn't want to go. It's not golf and it's not his friends so he opts out...but he won't watch the kids either. This isn't the case all the time but is tonight. Generally, he is super dad and he does watch the kids and is very accommodating!!! Sometimes there is unfortunately no compromise! He is really great to me...I can't complain. I only need to vent from time to time.

ANYWAY...there's one more thing that is annoying me. Greg, his dad, his brother and friend have planned a fishing trip to Canada next year...all without me knowing in the beginning. The only way I found out about it was because I checked his email and read all about it. What do I think about that? I'll tell you. I have YET to have a real vacation with my husband. I have yet to really do anything with my husband and he is going to go gallivanting off to Canada for no telling how long with no phone service (unless he pays out the wazoo for it). So, of course, I was not happy and expressed that to him. Let's put it this way...we will be going on a real vacation somewhere tropical before the fishing trip next August. ALSO, I'm aggravated by the fact that they are calling all the time about the trip. It's like a year away. Why so pressed to talk about it right now and like everyday? It's all just annoying. No, I don't mind that his friends and family call...that's not the issue. It's just like the fishing trip has become some kind of obsession and I'm tired of hearing about it...PERIOD.

Next step...figure out where GREG and I are going on vacation. Maybe St. Lucia? I'm not sure! I do know that I am very excited and I can't wait! It has been 8 years since I've seen the ocean and that is waaaaay too long.

Much love to all...it's time to go out!!!

Bleh. Bleh. Bleh.

I feel horrible today. It started last night with aching and is still going on this morning. UGH. Anyhow, I didn't go to work and it's probably a good thing seeing as Berkley is now snotty and so is Brock. Ugh. The bad thing about staying at home is that I don't get to rest...I'm taking care of the kids today also. Mom was going to come up and decided not to...so I'm stuck here doing exactly what I didn't want to do. I wanted to rest today. So...that is the life of a mother. Sick and unable to take care of yourself to take care of everyone else. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

I'm sure I'll write more later.

Headache...

I woke up with the most horrid headache...bleh. The kind that makes you nauseated. Sick.

I typed this the other day and there is an update

I’m sitting at my Granny and Papaw’s house waiting for Berkley to wake up so that we can go ahead and head home. I stopped by to drop off one of my lamps for her beautiful new living room. They just had new carpet, new flooring in the kitchen done and also bought a new couch and chair! This is the nicest stuff my granny has ever had and I’m so happy for her. This is the house that I grew up in and will always love! We lived here with them until I was 7 years old and then moved out. I have so many fond memories of Granny and Papaw’s house with them, mom and dad. To think that we all fit in this house is an amazing feat in itself! Now that I am older, the house seems so small. The backyard that was once so big is so tiny! Isn’t it amazing how the world around us gets smaller and smaller as we become adults?!

I have been reflecting a lot lately. Probably because I have lost a few of my best friends; or people that I thought were my best friends. I think to myself; what did I do? What is wrong with me? Why do I keep losing the people that are close to me? I think it is because I let those that I care about deeply into my life and let them know more than they really should. You think you can trust your b/f/f with your deepest darkest secrets. You think that you can trust your b/f/f with your problems, griping and complaining and the happy moments in life too. I guess this isn’t true. One b/f/f of 15 years stopped being my friend because I am friends with someone she doesn’t like; someone she has never met and knows nothing about…only what I have told her and because she didn’t agree with the situation and the events that happened when I was 19 years old, she has not accepted it for what it is and gotten over it but instead, has judged me and my friend because of it. RIDICULOUS! So yes, I did tell my friend some things about my friend of 15 years. When my friend of 15 years verbally attacked my friend, of course she retaliated and used some of those things against her. I don’t blame her one bit for doing it…she was attacked after all.

My other so-called b/f/f has listened to me complain about Greg and hasn’t always agreed with how he says things to me or how he handles situations between the two of us. Of course, I told her everything about everything and it only came back to bite me in the butt. On an outing to Nashville, Greg had upset me with some comments and on the way home, he made a comment about women and it was only a joke. She proceeded to “go off” on my husband and screamed at him that she didn’t like the way he treats me, etc., etc… I told her to be quiet and that she wasn’t making anything better. We proceeded to an exit to use the restroom, she calls her mother to drive all the way from Bowling Green to Nashville at 1:00 a.m. and got out of the truck and would not return. HELLO? Am I in high school? She said she was not giving control to him and was not going to let him drive her home. She said that we could be friends but not to involve her in anything that had to do with Greg. Is there something about this that wasn’t understood? He is my HUSBAND. Partner in life. MARRIED! That’s different than a relationship. She text messaged me on the way home (I cried the whole way) and said that her mom got her and she was home safe. That’s all she wrote. Hasn’t spoken to me since and it’s not that I haven’t tried. I guess I just wonder; what did I do to these people? I think my answer is that I really did nothing. I have GIVEN and GIVEN myself to these two individuals. The friend for 15 years I walked on egg shells all the time, not to say anything that might upset her. I have found her attorneys for the several times she has been in jail. I have offered her support through the pregnancy and birth of her two fatherless children and how am I treated? I am treated as if this is my entire fault. I stabbed her in the back by telling my friend things about her. GROW UP ALREADY! You are a mother of two children. She actually said to me, “I do this all by myself. Could you say the same?” My response was that “I don’t have to do it by myself and I don’t have to provide for my kids by myself and I’m sorry that she made the choices she did but it wasn’t my fault.” I think its partial jealousy. She’s always throwing in my face that she’s a single mom and she does it all by herself. Just because you are a single mom, does that make you a good one??? A good friend? I once thought so. I tried to apologize to her and it was not accepted. I told her that I was sorry she felt that way. I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS…AND I’M TIRED OF IMMATURE “SINGLE MOTHER’S (no offense to anyone) bringing me down because I have help and support from my husband. As for my other friend that went off on Greg…she said in time we could be friends again. Ya know what? Time’s up!

I’m sure that time will mend everything if it is meant to be. I can assure you that things for me will never be the same with the “friends” I have spoken of. I’m just not sure what to do. I think I need my own TV show like Paris Hilton; “My New B/F/F”!!! That’s a great idea. OR, I could just become a recluse. Friendships were once something that defined me and something that I held very close and cherished. Now, I’m not so sure what friends are for. What makes a good friend? What makes a person a good person? What are the limitations to what you tell your supposed B/F/F? I’m not certain of anything about anything when it comes to friendships and I’m not so sure that I will ever trust anyone; as I did these two individuals.

UPDATE:

I tried to apologize to the friend of 15 years. She said that I stabbed her in the back, betrayed her and could not accept my apology. I told her that I was sorry that's the way she felt and I hope that things went well for her. At least I was the bigger person. I didn't shed a tear, believe me.

I also received a text message from my other friend that went off on Greg. She said that maybe in time we could be friends but I hurt her so much with what I said, BLAH BLAH BLAH and she was so sorry that my life isn't great and that she loves me but can't talk to me because she loves me (insert more BLAH BLAH BLAH). I let her know that obviously she had no idea what was going on in my life and that actually things had come to a turning point and that I realized the only person I could trust was my HUSBAND. She also said she understood why her mom just didn't bother with having friends. I sent her a text back and informed her that no matter how she felt, I feel that it is completely ABNORMAL to not want to have friends. She replied with, "Have a nice evening. I'm going to a meeting." She thinks she's the only victim of EVERY situation. When I say victim, I mean that in every sense of the word. I told her that I was sorry that she'd had the horrid past she's had with men (horrid domestic violence both mental and physical) but not all people were out to get her and that there are actually people out there that cares for and they are genuine about it. Once I mentioned to her that she hurt my feelings too and that had never been discussed, there was no more discussing. My feelings in both relationships with these girls were never a priority apparently. GOODBYE, GOOD RIDDANCE!!! I'm done with immature high school girls who think they should be given a cookie because they are single mothers and bad friends!!! I commend single moms who do it alone; however, I do not think that anything should be held against me because I do have a husband and I do depend on him. I am proud of him, what he has made for us, his accomplishments and for each and everything he does for me and supports me in.

There is my rant! Sorry it was soooo long and frustrating! It sure felt great to get that off my chest. Ahhh, the art of blogging. I may not be a perfect artist but it definitely relieves stress and gets it out of my head.

I didn't proof this....and I usually don't proofread. It is what it is.

Much love to the real people out there that are friends.

Insomniac

I seriously think that I have a bit of Insomnia. When I wake up with Berkley in the middle of the night, I can't go back to sleep. I'm going to try again though. Good night...or good morning I should say!

Insomnia

I can't sleep
I nod in the chair
Wishing I could get some air
Need some rest
Need a break
I think its these new hormones I take
I wish I could sleep just one night through
Until Greg gets home, that's something I can't do
Coffee helps and that's about it
I sit and drink and sip a bit
Tooth picks I'll use, I'm about to pry open my eyes
I am so sleepy, till next time, goodbye!

Probably juvenile poetry but it just came out. LOL!

Too long!

Started this one on Friday, August 29th!

What a day, what a day! It has been too long since I've blogged. So much has happened.

Last Saturday, August 23rd, Berkley took her first assisted step. I bought her a push/walk behind toy. I stood her up behind it and she just took off walking around the house. She doesn't do it much and doesn't walk alone but she wants to so badly. It was precious!

She has been sick with fever and green snot. What a pain she is just to wipe her nose. She hates to have her clothes changed. If she doesn't want you to do it then it's out!!! She then commences to throwing out her back and screaming and bucking like a wild horse! Her hair is really growing too. At her doctor's appointment, she weighed 21.4 pounds!

Brock is now sick too. Daddy and I took him to the doctor this morning. When we got there, he had a fever of 103.6. He tested positive for strep. Instead of 10 days of antibiotics which is impossible to get down him, he got one ginormous shot of penicillin. It was horrible. Thank God for Greg being home right now. I don't know how I would have done that. Brock wouldn't even get up and walk his little body ached so badly.

On a more positive side, my baby boy turns 4 YEARS OLD on Tuesday. I can't believe 4 years have already gone by!!! He's celebrating on Saturday with his friends and family at Imagination Station. They have huge inflatables inside a building and he loves it there!!!!

On another positive note, Berkley turns 1 year old on Saturday September 13th!!! It's been one year since I labored so hard with no epidural and screamed my head off! I just can't believe a whole year has passed. It's hard to believe that she isn't a baby anymore and we aren't having anymore little tiny babies!!! Berkley will be having her party at my mom and dad's house like Brock's first birthday! She is having a princess/ballerina party and she is wearing the following handmade outfit!!! I will post pictures shortly!

Tuesday, August 30, 2008

Greg is playing an early round of golf today. He skipped out on his poker game last night to stay home and take care of me and the kiddos. Berkley's not really sick anymore (knock on wood) but Brock and I feel rotten. At one point last night, he and I were both in the bed, each with a laptop. It was amusing I'm sure! From the time we got home from the doctor (noon), he didn't move last night. He was on the couch or in the bed and was carried from point a to point b. He said he couldn't move his leg (the huge shot).

I really can't believe the kiddos birthdays are coming up. It really stinks for our friends and family that the birthdays are 2 weeks apart. With the way they fall, Brock's party should be labor day weekend but everyone always has plans so we plan it for the weekend after. That means, Berkley's falls the weekend after Brock's party. Next year we will plan Berkley's for the weekend after so they will again be 2 weeks apart. It's hard for people to dedicate one weekend after the other to our parties. So, one of the kids will get shafted. Sad day.

Unfortunately, I had to miss my first day of work yesterday. I felt so bad. Mom called and said that he had a fever and was very sick but she planned on taking him to the doctor. I was about to get into the shower and she called frantic because he was projectile vomiting and she needed me down there because he was so sick. (He had spent the night with them.) I called and left messages at work for my HR lady and for my supervising attorney. I then called back after my appointment and spoke with our afternoon receptionist and tried explaining what was going on and for some reason she just doesn't understand anything I tell her. I told her around 4 times that WE ARE ALL SICK, including Greg and she just didn't catch on until about the 5th time. She was relaying what I was saying to our HR lady and was very vague in her explanation. UGH.

They are having issues with her at work (and I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means) but she has been there 2 days less than me and she keeps screwing stuff up which I end up fixing. She doesn't complete her work or she does it wrong and I have been fixing it. In the beginning, I didn't mind and I still don't mind but I wanted to make sure she wasn't getting credit for everything. I spoke nicely with our HR lady about it via email and she was happy I said something about it. She said she was not picking up on things like I was and was a little slower about stuff but eventually she would have to complete her work and she wanted me to keep her updated. The Legal Assistants (who will only put up with mistakes for so long) have brought several files back for her to fix and also said she needed to pick things up faster. FOR REAL! It's been a month. I have actually verbally explained things to her before and she honest to goodness just doesn't get it!!! To make things EVEN WORSE, I have around 8 years of legal experience, an Associates degree in Paralegal Studies and seeing that she is the smartest person in the world, she left her pay stub laying on the desk, which is against our policy and she makes 50 cents more per hour than I. I couldn't believe my eyes. Yes, she is older...probably in her 40's and had a lot of experience as a Receptionist but her abilities are very limited. I just couldn't believe that. I'm hoping my hard work will reflect in my raise come evaluation time.

Anyhow, I could go on and on about that.

Off to my daily duties. Brock is up and he seems to be feeling MUCH better!

C

Job

I had a great first day at work. It's just half a day so I still get the mommy time!

I've decided that I'm tired of caring about people that care nothing for me. You would think that someone you have been friends with forever would at least invite you and your kids to your child's birthday party as you always invite them to your children's stuff. Makes no sense to me. I'm so tired of caring about people that care nothing for me!!! SICK SICK SICK of it! I've had to deal with this on more than one occasion. Those people mean nothing to me anymore. No more phone calls from me, no more contact. If they feel like caring about me one day then they know how to get into touch with me and they will be LUCKY if I answer the phone.

Lordy Lordy, I'm tired...OH and I have GREAT NEWS!

I haven't hardly slept all night...thanks Berkley. :-) It's 2:55 a.m. and I'm not even going to bother going to bed. I've slept a little but not nearly enough. Running on pure adrenaline right now and I'm sure right about daylight, I'll crash!

I HAVE GREAT NEWS!!!

I went for a job interview on Monday. Everyone asks me...you are a stay at home mom, why would you want to work if you don't have to. That is a misconception. I do need a little income for myself. I want my own money to spend how I please, so even a part-time job would be great. I have been a stay-at-home mom off and on for four years and honestly, I want some adult interaction. I LOVE to be home with the kids but a part-time job would do us all some good. Plus, I would have adult interaction...haha. Did I mention that already???

I interviewed at Kentucky Legal Aid on Monday for a receptionist position. Light duties, phones, mail, and since I'm an actual Paralegal and have experience in that area, they will give me more things to do. There is always room to advance after time too. I played phone tag with the lady on Tuesday and we didn't get into touch with one another. I actually had another interview lined up for yesterday at 2:00 p.m. with a bank. At 1:30, I received a call from Legal Aid and she said there was one problem with the job. The schedule had changed to the morning shift (8:30 to 12:45) and wanted to know if that was okay. OF COURSE, I told her and she offered me the position. I think I screamed in her ear! I told her I was very excited and happy and she said she was very happy to have me working there and was happy that I was so happy! So, it's only 4 hours a day...I'll be done around lunch time and it still gives me plenty of time for any kind of appointments and activities with the kids! I go in for paperwork on Friday morning at 10:00 a.m. and start Monday morning!!! Kentucky Legal Aid serves low income families mainly in family law and services 35 counties in Kentucky. It is an excellent organization and I'm very proud to be a part of it. They have such a NICE and BEAUTIFUL office also!

Brock overheard us talking about working and job interviews and he promptly told granny that he doesn't want mommy to work and that I need to stay home. Brock's perception of work is what his daddy does. On the road and not home all week and then home on the weekends. I believe he is afraid that mommy will leave for a week and come home for a few days and do the same all over again. The great thing is, he loves to sleep late so I'll be home from work when he is still lounging around.

I got a call from pre-school yesterday wanted to know if I wanted him on the wait list to be considered for fall placement (Big Red School at WKU). I told them sure. It makes me SICK to think that next year at this time he will be starting KINDERGARTEN. I have a friend and her son starts on Tuesday. She's so distraught about it, she took Monday and Tuesday off. One thing about her son though, he's been in daycare since he was a baby so he is used to being away from her. My child on the other hand, freaks out when he doesn't know where I am. Brock doesn't do that all the time but he goes through spells where he thinks he lost me and he'll say, "Mommy, I so sorry I lost you."

Greg is playing in ANOTHER golf tournament this weekend...UGH. Sounded good the other day but now I realize he will be gone the whole weekend pretty much. The ONLY good thing is that the country club is having a dinner and dance for participants in the tournament on Saturday night! WUHU! He mentioned that and I promptly replied, "sure, you can do it!!!" I love getting dressed up and I LOVE to dance.

My ex-boss...don't get me started on him...has been a member at the club for many years. I haven't ran into him, THANK GOD, but Greg sees him all the time on the course. Apparently (and my friend that works in his office told me this) his wife saw me at the clubhouse, came into the office and ran and told him and he saw Greg and I in the dining room eating one evening. He told Michelle that he just "couldn't believe it." I know he thinks we aren't good enough and that we don't have enough money to join but the fact of the matter is, I'm sure we make a ton more than he does and he's an attorney!!! I saw his sister-in law in Wal-Mart the other day. I said hello to her and reminded her who I was and she said she knew me but couldn't place me. I told her that I'd had a little girl and she couldn't believe it has been a year and a half since I'd been working for him. I told her that he fired me the day after I found out I was pregnant with Berkley and she said she didn't know he fired me. I told her that he did, that I wasn't afraid to say that and that somethings in life are truly blessings in disguise! I'm just hoping that I can get a good, fresh start on this new position and hopefully erase those bad times in my life. I didn't get let go because of my performance. I was always praised for performance. He was a collections attorney and I completely brought in 5 times the amount of money than his previous secretary. I call her a secretary because she was nothing more than that. I had health issues...ovary removed, endometriosis surgery and an extra sinus cavity removed while I worked for him. I realize it put him in a horrible position because I was the only one that worked for him but those were things that I could not control. Thankfully, those issues are resolved with a partial hysterectomy last December. I have one lonely ovary hanging out in there. I know, too much information!

Anyhow, I've rambled on enough! Have a great day everyone. I hope I make it through without collapsing!

Love,

C